Day 13 – a letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
I have been thinking about what to write for this post for most of the day, and I still don’t know how to tackle it. I did have a rough time last year with someone who is no longer a friend, but I don’t wish to air that dirty laundry. I also don’t want to rehash all of that stuff that made me feel like absolute crap for too long.
I am someone who can feel too much and if I get hurt I tend to stay that way for quite some time. I don’t see it as holding a grudge, although I guess that most people would see it as that. It’s not that I don’t forgive people for hurting me, but I have trouble forgetting and I struggle to think of that person in the same way. I am so afraid that I will be hurt again and made to feel that crap again, that I subconsciously and consciously remove myself from that possibility.
Have you ever seen the original ‘Italian Job’ with Michael Caine? The song that plays at the very end is ‘Get a Bloomin Move On (The Self-Preservation Society)’. It’s a fun song, full of rhyming slang, but I really identify with the chorus. I probably don’t identify with it in the way that was intended, but everybody interprets music and lyrics differently anyway. Every time that I think about situations or people that I avoid, that chorus plays in my head. Over and over. And it helps me to feel better. I need to avoid some things until I am strong enough to cope with them. Not the bravest of actions, but this is my ‘self-preservation society’.